4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version
When I said “I do” I never imagined my fairytale bliss every fading away. I actually got really offended when people would tell us that our honeymoon stage would end. I stood firm and let them know how solid we were and that it would only die if we let it. I still truly believe that the fire will only go out when you let it.
It’s hard to be “pro-marriage” or being monogamous in the world today when we’re surrounded by high divorce rates and infidelity. Something I have noticed is the trend of spouse bashing. I mean just sitting around talking about all of your spouses flaws and tearing them down. I begin to wonder if people even like who they’re married to. It’s a slippery slope being in that situation because on one hand I don’t want to seem like I don’t care but on the other I really don’t want to throw my business out there. My marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows but at the end of the day my husband IS my person that God blessed me with to do this life with. I used to get sucked into these trash talking tirades just to feel connected with other women, to build a relationship. How crazy is that? I want to bond with people at my husbands expense? We both noticed my behavior changed, I would be more irritated, short, just ugly.
Recently I have become close friends with someone who I have no doubts would cut someone when it comes to her man! But there is one thing that stands out so strong about her. She NEVER bashes her husband. I am not talking the occasional “we’re going to talk about that later” situation, I mean she is a woman that whole heartedly loves. It’s super refreshing! She told me how she never airs her business because it’s between her and her husband, no one else belongs in that equation. She doesn’t go to her girlfriends and spend the night ripping her spouse apart. She speaks so highly of him, you have to admire the love they have after in todays time is considered a millennia.
To go back to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, probably one of the most used verses in marriages! “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” So when my husband doesn’t do what I want when I want and I want to throw a fit about it I have to remember patience and kindness. The fact that in this chapter of our life I stay home I shouldn’t envy him for having a job and having more than an hour of adult interaction throughout the day. *This was a big issue for me to fight through* We shouldn’t be boastful or prideful over one another. I am not going to go broadcast on social media the second I was right about something!
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” This one is a gut puncher for me. Easily angered…yup that’s me. Note keeper…oh yeah definitely better believe I will need that later. Self-Seeking…worried about when I am going to get what I want. Dishonor others….husband bashing isn’t exactly honorable.
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” Do you ever meet those people that are actually super excited to tell you about what they THINK their spouse did wrong. They never actually confront them they almost rejoice in the idea of their spouse doing something wrong to either play up the victim mentality or just holding a better image than their spouse. No real drive for the truth.
“ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Probably my favorite. As my friend I learned the hard way to protect my marriage from man bashing, or just from the ugly of the world. I have unwavering hope and perseverance in my marriage and I trust my spouse with everything in me.
I can get on social media and there are memes and status’ of rants against spouses. At what point do we go from untouchable love as newlyweds to the bitterness we commonly see in seasoned relationships? Like the quote from Matthew Jacobson, when do we start living by I Love You instead of I Love Me. It can be a gradual slide into the yuck of negativity or something has happened. I watched War Room for the first time the other day at the suggestion of another gal pal. WOW. Have we ever in the midst of chaos stopped to actually PRAY for our spouse. If they’re changing or going through something causing them to lash out, are we as spouses failing by not praying for them? Trying to proactively help them?
I am on the other side of “bash sessions” and I feel guilty for ever taking part. I am thankful to have an amazing husband that loves me through all of my ups and downs. I am glad our children have plenty of great relationships surrounding them to know that YES, it takes work but God put them in our lives, for better or worse.
Until next time friends!