Don’t dredge in me

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” – Isaiah 43:18

The last few weeks seriously have been gut wrenching at times and not even that dramatic. I have been coasting along nice and comfy in my life car. I had the top down, wind blowing in my hair, kind of cruising happening! 

   I like to picture myself as a river, not a tiny and weak one but a strong and mighty one like the Amazon! The most powerful river in the world! Nothing can shake me, I shake it! All past remnants of mountains, banks, or rocks that I have carved my way through are nestled under my fierce current! 

    Pretty fun visual for me! So when they dredge a river or any body of water they have to pull up sediments and debris that have settled and can cause backing up or blocking of channels and such. It’s been a minute since I sat in a science class. I know growing up in upstate NY they were dredging the Hudson River to try and get up the PCBs that GE had polluted the water with many years prior. At this point they were settled and burried within the sediment and the process of digging them up brought them to the surface and not all of them would be collected! Bittersweet really. I digress though!

    So imagine being the powerful Amazon in your faith. Nothing the enemy throws at you will stop you. All things thrown at you are swiftly pushed to the bottom and you keep moving! Unfortunately in that power you’ve caused pain and hurt. Things the enemy doesn’t want you to forget! He wants to dredge in your river not to clear routes but to throw everything you’ve overcome back in your face. He doesn’t want there to be silky smooth sediment that you’ve refined and now made a part or your path. He wants them to remain hard and jagged pieces that can split your current. 

   Think of a giant rock sticking out of a fast moving river! The river moves around it but it’s still there. I know I have things that I have just moved around instead of dealing with them. They’re old and damp and just covered in moss making it nearly impossible to get a grip to climb on top. But God gives us the strength to push harder through the enemy! Eventually that river will take down the rock. First it will smooth the edges and little by little take away it’s girth. 

    I recently was at a bible study and just started crying about stuff that happened years ago! I have forgiven the person and thought I had moved on but clearly I hadn’t taken the time to chip away the layers of that pain. If we allow things to go unchecked they’ll just sit there. Just because I knew I should forgive, I didn’t work through all of the other areas I allowed that pain to trickle into. My current wasn’t going as fast as I had thought leaving it stationary in the middle of my river. It’s hard to forgive and I thought that’s all that was required. But I didn’t forgive fully because I stayed closed off in different areas I had no idea were even impacted. I put channels and dams in my river keeping my current from being stronger.

    Reading another book with a close friend about rejection and let me tell you God knew what he was doing when he surrounded me with these women. He knew my current wasn’t as strong as I thought it was. I had jagged edges all under the surface and I wasn’t wearing them down. I was just covering them with my smooth surface. 

      This book is about facing rejection and I never thought I had an issue with it but the enemy knew deep down beneath my surface those trees and rocks I took on were still sitting there just as sharp as ever. I am learning that people may have disappointed me but God never has. I can win any battle with him in my corner.  Even though I may have made mistakes and caused pain and hurt intentionally or unintentionally it’s ok to let that go because I am changed and God is going to allow me to take down the boulders of my past. It may take time but I will break through them. 

Have a blessed weekend ❤️

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