Can I just start with how great is our God? I can never praise Him enough! I apologize for the long hiatus! The trip home went beyond amazing and I am still a little shocked with how well it went. I am waiting for the pinch to wake me up.
“26Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
I was looking for reasons to get out of going home and really dragging my feet on going. I only go every few years. I convinced myself that the 14+ hour drive is NOT worth my time or sanity with the kids in the car that long. Really I was just trying to hide from relationships. If I didn’t have to see it, it wasn’t actually there. I didn’t want to work on it, I didn’t want to completely burn the bridge. I just wanted it to stay in the little box I put it in and stay there for all eternity.
This may seem off topic so just stay on my train for a bit longer. Something really stuck out to me at church a few weeks ago. Our Pastor was sharing the message of salvation. If we were to go to heaven tomorrow would I regret/be upset about the people that weren’t there with me. The people that I knew didn’t believe or didn’t want to give themselves completely. I immediately thought of one person in my mind. My Dad. A man that I loved deep down but had been burned so badly from. If Jesus came tomorrow to take us home, would I be upset that he wasn’t there. The honest answer is, Yes I would! When I came to this realization I had to accept that as much as I ignored the stagnate relationship one day I had to deal with it. I would have to sit down and sort through my box and decide, Am I going to throw away these ugly pictures in order to cherish the beauty I know is in there?
I met with him and can I just say Jesus does heal? I have been praying for YEARS for this man. Y.E.A.R.S! I knew the man he could be but there was a person in his life he was allowing to rule him, his mind, his actions, his life was completely rail roaded. I know this person isn’t completely to blame and that we all have to take ownership in the poor choices we make. That’s the part of me that really struggled to allow him back in my life. At the end of the day, he was the choices he did.
My kids really didn’t know him other than a check at Christmas and on their birthdays. The level of SHOCK I had when he not only greeted them like he’s been a part of their life from day one but completely cater to them. He was kind, patient, soft, and loving. He took them to cool sites and an amusement park! Memories that were stolen from my siblings and I but that our kids were able to have with him. I thought I would be bitter and angry, possibly even resentful but the love was so genuine and pure all I could do was be grateful that God HEARD me all of those years crying out to Him for change in my dad. Maybe I had to change myself before I could be completely receptive of this change in him. He showed regret and remorse for the pain he caused. He looked at his grandkids with heavy eyes realizing how much he missed of his own kids. Years that are now gone forever. But we’re blessed to be forgiven for our sins. We have a God that loves us even when we don’t love ourselves. I still pray for his complete salvation and entirely grateful for the progress he has.
While I was away I was focused ONLY on that relationship. It consumed my entire week. It just naturally happened. We would make plans for the next day. We even had a family sleepover at Grandpas one night. Other than the rebuilding of a core relationship I was also aware of the lack of attention I was giving insignificant things back home. We can get so wrapped up in the petty, the ugly, the yucky of every day life that we lose sight of the greater picture. I have been home for a few days and have been trying my best not to get sucked in the daily dirt that we’re faced with while here. If I were to die tomorrow I want to walk up to the gates of heaven with a joyful and full heart. I love and I love big so when I get hurt I tend to shut down. I need to work on moving on and not be so critical of others and myself.
I pray that you all have a blessed week and hug your loved ones extra tight. Think about those that you have put in a box and pray for healing. Until next week my friends!